that the day after I post on here about finding what you love about music, I really feel at home again.
2 1/2 years ago, I sat in my very first UNCG Wind Ensemble rehearsal. 3 1/2 years ago, I sat in my very first UNCG Trumpet Ensemble rehearsal. In both cases, the feeling that I got when we started playing was overwhelming. I was FINALLY a part of groups that I had only dreamed about before. I was going to be listed as a performing member on profession CD's. I was going to tour with one of the best college ensembles in the country. Nothing could make me happier.
Today, I didn't have those feelings, but when we ran the pieces for our concert on Friday, I felt like I was an important part of an incredible ensemble. I haven't felt that way in a little over a year. I felt it when I was practicing yesterday as well. I FINALLY feel like I am supposed to play trumpet again. I don't feel like it is the center of my future the way I used to, but I do feel like it is something I can continue after March 28.
This has been a long time coming, but I am so glad it is finally here!
I actually WANT to practice tomorrow. :)
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
What do you love about it?
That is a question I have had to ask one of my students recently. What do you love about trumpet?
I have also had to ask myself that on multiple occasions. The crazy thing is that the answer is different every time. What do I love about trumpet? The feeling I get when I know I have done something right, the outlet it provides for me to really let out some emotions, the way I can convey so much without saying a word, how I go into another world where nothing else going on in my life matters...
You can play an instrument and not be in love with it. I have done it, as well as many others. However, you cannot be a musician until you fall in love.
It is terrifying to open up and share every emotion you have ever felt. But that is what it takes. You have to let go and just do it. This means giving up any control you think you may have, digging down deep, and breathing.
So what do you do when you can't figure out what you love? Well... I pray... hard. And you can't just give up right then. It takes work. Lots of it. I went 6 months without being able to figure out what I loved. There were times that I didn't play outside of lessons and rehearsals. And one day, something triggered a spark in me and I was able to get myself back in the practice rooms.
I think that is what needs to happen though... sometimes you have to back off a bit, but not give up. This is probably the hardest thing to do. Nothing hurts more than feeling like you are wasting your time every time you pull your instrument out. But when you find that love again, it is completely worth it.
I am not completely there. And my student is even further away. But I think that I am finding it again... maybe it is because the recital is 40 days away... maybe its because of something else. Either way, I am glad I am finding it again. I just wish I could help my student find it.
So, think about it. What do you love about your music (or whatever it is that you do)?
I have also had to ask myself that on multiple occasions. The crazy thing is that the answer is different every time. What do I love about trumpet? The feeling I get when I know I have done something right, the outlet it provides for me to really let out some emotions, the way I can convey so much without saying a word, how I go into another world where nothing else going on in my life matters...
You can play an instrument and not be in love with it. I have done it, as well as many others. However, you cannot be a musician until you fall in love.
It is terrifying to open up and share every emotion you have ever felt. But that is what it takes. You have to let go and just do it. This means giving up any control you think you may have, digging down deep, and breathing.
So what do you do when you can't figure out what you love? Well... I pray... hard. And you can't just give up right then. It takes work. Lots of it. I went 6 months without being able to figure out what I loved. There were times that I didn't play outside of lessons and rehearsals. And one day, something triggered a spark in me and I was able to get myself back in the practice rooms.
I think that is what needs to happen though... sometimes you have to back off a bit, but not give up. This is probably the hardest thing to do. Nothing hurts more than feeling like you are wasting your time every time you pull your instrument out. But when you find that love again, it is completely worth it.
I am not completely there. And my student is even further away. But I think that I am finding it again... maybe it is because the recital is 40 days away... maybe its because of something else. Either way, I am glad I am finding it again. I just wish I could help my student find it.
So, think about it. What do you love about your music (or whatever it is that you do)?
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