The final days

So, this is it.

I started playing trumpet 13 years ago (3rd grade), in my Grandparent's living room. I still remember that first lesson like it was yesterday. My Grandfather gave me a HIDEOUS looking trumpet, but it was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. It was made in 1912 so it had very little function... the tuning slide was a knob, not a slide, and the valves barely moved. "Say 'Hut'"... that is where it all began.

In fourth grade, I played "The School Song" for a talent show.

In sixth grade, I was it. I was the sixth grader that auditioned for All-County and played with the seventh graders. I got to teach the other kids how to play trumpet.

In seventh grade, I made my first All-County and was first chair jazz band.

After eighth grade, I went to my first UNCG Summer Music Camp and had my very first lesson with Dr. Edward Bach. I remember calling home before the lesson, terrified at what this Dr. Bach man would be like and what he would think about my playing.

High school came and I did my time in marching band, concert band (for longer than I ever wanted), wind ensemble, jazz band, and carolina brass. For the first time, I started questioning my abilities. JR tore me down repeatedly, but looking back, he only made me better. I came home in tears, always ready to throw in the towel and quit. I kept going to camp and got more lessons with Dr. Bach... turns out he was an ok teacher.

At my last year of music camp, Dr. Bach and I sat down and had the first of many serious talks. "I can tell you want to do science education, but you don't light up when you talk about it the way you do when you talk about music... just think about it." I thought he was out of his mind.

But I auditioned that January. I was accepted the next week and was lucky enough to receive a scholarship to the UNCG School of Music. So I came.

The minute I heard Trumpet Ensemble on the first day of class, my ego was out the door. I had never seen/ heard/ or been in anything like that.

The rest, they say, is history.

So, after all of that, this is my last serious week. On Sunday, I will give my Senior Recital, playing a mix of music that I have worked on with both my Grandfather and Dr. Bach. After that, no more lessons and no more "required" practicing. It is a really weird thought.

I have learned so much over the last 13 years- not just about music, but about life. Music has been my passion, my work, my hobby, the bane of my existence, and the worst thing in my life (just like any good boyfriend!). It won't end here, there is no way that I could let it end, but it will definitely change.

From here, I go to Seminary. I will still teach, gig, and hopefully do some more recitals. But it will never be the same. From here, I leave and am on my own. No more formal studies. It is almost terrifying.

So, after all of that, a HUGE thank you to everyone who made the last 13 years possible. My Grandfather has to have been the most important person in this journey. He is the reason I began playing trumpet, the reason I kept playing trumpet, and the reason that I have made it to this point and want to continue through teaching. All of my band directors- Mr. Branam, Mrs. Nelson, Mr. Jackson, Mr. Jobert, JR, Mr. Quinn, and Dr. Locke. Some incredible friends- John Fleggas, the most amazing group of band geeks ever (Kelly Tomlinson, Erin Smith, Lauren Saylor, Marc Larance, Dom Sanchez, Richie Francis, Stefan Mazzara, and Brian Davidson), Mike Schietzelt, and Ben Crotts (and of course all of my other INCREDIBLE friends... there are way too many to keep listing). Doc Askew, who has been an incredible mentor and friendeven though he didn't have to be. Nancy Davis, the best accompanist in the world and worth every cent! And of course, Dr. Bach, who continued where my Grandfather left off when I came to UNCG and has always been more than a teacher... he has been my friend. And yea... my family (who put up with way too many dieing cow sounds back in the day, and have come to every concert and most of my gigs).

I feel like this was a grammy speech or something. But it was all worth saying, and everyone really needed to be thanked.

So this is it...

A bit ironic...

that the day after I post on here about finding what you love about music, I really feel at home again.

2 1/2 years ago, I sat in my very first UNCG Wind Ensemble rehearsal. 3 1/2 years ago, I sat in my very first UNCG Trumpet Ensemble rehearsal. In both cases, the feeling that I got when we started playing was overwhelming. I was FINALLY a part of groups that I had only dreamed about before. I was going to be listed as a performing member on profession CD's. I was going to tour with one of the best college ensembles in the country. Nothing could make me happier.

Today, I didn't have those feelings, but when we ran the pieces for our concert on Friday, I felt like I was an important part of an incredible ensemble. I haven't felt that way in a little over a year. I felt it when I was practicing yesterday as well. I FINALLY feel like I am supposed to play trumpet again. I don't feel like it is the center of my future the way I used to, but I do feel like it is something I can continue after March 28.

This has been a long time coming, but I am so glad it is finally here!

I actually WANT to practice tomorrow. :)

What do you love about it?

That is a question I have had to ask one of my students recently. What do you love about trumpet?

I have also had to ask myself that on multiple occasions. The crazy thing is that the answer is different every time. What do I love about trumpet? The feeling I get when I know I have done something right, the outlet it provides for me to really let out some emotions, the way I can convey so much without saying a word, how I go into another world where nothing else going on in my life matters...

You can play an instrument and not be in love with it. I have done it, as well as many others. However, you cannot be a musician until you fall in love.

It is terrifying to open up and share every emotion you have ever felt. But that is what it takes. You have to let go and just do it. This means giving up any control you think you may have, digging down deep, and breathing.

So what do you do when you can't figure out what you love? Well... I pray... hard. And you can't just give up right then. It takes work. Lots of it. I went 6 months without being able to figure out what I loved. There were times that I didn't play outside of lessons and rehearsals. And one day, something triggered a spark in me and I was able to get myself back in the practice rooms.

I think that is what needs to happen though... sometimes you have to back off a bit, but not give up. This is probably the hardest thing to do. Nothing hurts more than feeling like you are wasting your time every time you pull your instrument out. But when you find that love again, it is completely worth it.

I am not completely there. And my student is even further away. But I think that I am finding it again... maybe it is because the recital is 40 days away... maybe its because of something else. Either way, I am glad I am finding it again. I just wish I could help my student find it.

So, think about it. What do you love about your music (or whatever it is that you do)?

Blocking

I just finished teaching a local 6th grade trumpet player who has problems with pressure and blocking his air. Here was my solution:

1) Have the student play in front of a mirror so they can SEE what it looks like when they block/ apply a lot of pressure (in his case the response was "wow!")

2) TAKE AWAY THE TRUMPET!!! Start trying to get as much pressure off of the face as you can and take temptation away.

3) Have the student make a "hiss" sound (like a snake). This puts the air behind the teeth and OUT OF THE THROAT. (It is also a lot of fun for the student)

4) After the student can recognize the feeling of having the air behind the teeth, free buzz. Make sure the student continues to "hiss" while buzzing so the air STAYS behind the teeth.

5) Add the mouthpiece, making sure that it is barely on the lips. Buzz and hiss simutaneously into the mouthpiece.

6) Once the student can get a characteristic sound out of the mouthpiece WITHOUT pressure on the mouth, add the trumpet.

7) Buzz/ hiss on the trumpet (long tones are best for this). Make sure the student recognizes the air behind the teeth, and sees what it looks like in the mirror WITHOUT pressure.

I have only done this once but it really worked! Good luck :)

Just wanna throw it out there...

I love my friends :)

The big announcement...

I feel like it is ok to finally make this official on here...

This last year has really been a struggle for me musically. Not so much with my actual playing, but with the emotional parts of it, and if you are a musician or understand the ideas behind it then you understand emotions are a huge part of it.

I won't get into all of the nitty gritty details of the struggle, but it did get me thinking about what I would do when I graduated next December. I decided in March that there was no way I would be part of a touring group, or even a symphony that played every day. The Wind Ensemble tour really did me in and showed me that I am not the type of person that can handle something like that. So then I thought, well, I could still go to grad school and teach at the University level. However, I have struggled so long and hard in undergrad and I have really just been torn down a whole lot. It is not that I am giving up, but that is just a fight that I don't want to fight anymore... so that is a no. Then came what I thought was the final option- teaching. I am getting a music education degree, however I wasn't really feeling called to that either.

Hm...

So after much prayer and talking to a few people, I have decided to change my path. When I graduate in December 2010, I will graduate with a BM in Instrumental Performance and Music Education. In either February 2001 or July 2011, I will begin graduate school to receive a M. Div. so that I can do Youth and Young Adult Ministry, focusing on mission and hopefully adding in music.

This is in no way me giving up on my music. But lately I have felt it quickly becoming my job and that is the last thing I want music to be. All of my life, music has been my passion and the absolute love of my life. I didn't need anything else as long as I had my music. When I lost that feeling, I got very scared and knew that something had to happen. I am not saying that I know that this new plan is exactly right, but I definitely feel called in that direction right now.

So there you have it... the whispers are true :)

I find it unreal how much I have grown as a musician over the last year. Last November I thought I had reached my peak when I nailed my recital. I was sure I couldn't play any better and that was where I would be for the rest of my time. Why I thought this I have no idea because I watch people improve every single day when I am in the school of music.

Today, I played Ave Maria for the district recital for Mu Phi Epsilon. This is my "safety" piece that I pull out when I need something that is unaccompanied and not long. This is very humorous to me because 1) I used it in my audition for the school of music back in 2006 and 2) my Grandfather would have a heart attack if he knew it (he has always had it in his mind that it is too technically difficult to just pull out the way I do). I find it all too interesting that not only do I tend to pull this out at the very last minute, but alot of the time I end up doing it without warm-up (I have actually begun practicing this way because of soemthing Vince DiMartino said about gigs... you don't always get to play a note after a sermon, you just play). This is incredibly risky because it is technically difficult and full of leaps. Yes, there were a few hitches, mainly because of a lack of breathing, but overall I could not be happier.

The scary thing is comparing it to my recital recordings from last November. The tone from November sounds forced and pinchy, my tone today was almost completely pure with no effort. I never thought I would reach this point. I love it.

If I can continue this, I know that I can be happy.